Predators and How To Spot Them

I'm still wondering how this guy Joseph James DeAngelo got away with his rapes and murders over 40 years... 

And what was life like at home for his wife and three daughters?  Was he abusive or able to hide/control his rage and violence?

The article "Groomed for Abuse" by Maureen Farrell Garcia has given me a little insight.  It was published online at CT Pastors in January 2015.

Farrell Garcia says that sexual abuse is "always primarily about power and control."  She knows because she was an abused teen at age 14; she later married a man who sexually abused a female relative between the ages of 9-12.  In her anguish at learning the truth, she read and studied the subject.

It begins with grooming people to accept sexual abuse, and the basis of that grooming is to get people--often children--to accept engaging in secret behaviors. Small behaviors such as showing a photo or talking about body parts desensitizes the victim--gets her or him used to sexually explicit topics and to secrecy.

They either make the behaviors appear to be normal or they keep them well hidden.  She quotes Dr. Anna Salter in her book Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists, and Other Sex Offenders--Who They Are, How They Operate and How We can Protect Ourselves and Our Children:

"The most chilling aspect of this behavior is its invisibility."

I agree with that point--the big problem is not knowing it is happening.  Or thinking that what is happening is normal.  Being duped.

The second problem: "Abusers are frequently likable, charming, and highly skilled at manipulation."

Farrell Garcia then outlines the methods used by abusers:

1) "They establish and enforce control through defining reality."  

2) "Sex offenders victim-stance"--that is, they take the stance of a victim. They "attempt to manipulate our empathy."  Once we feel sorry for them, "they can manipulate our trust and gain our support."

3) "They coerce secrecy and isolation."  They often bind their victims to themselves with shame and secrecy: "This is our secret" and "Don't tell your parents--they'll be angry."

4) "They deal in entitlement...  They are entitled to feel what they feel, say what they say, and act how they act no matter what."   They demand loyalty and forgiveness.  "...they will justify their abuse no matter what agreement or promise they have made... they feel entitled to sympathy instead of to accountability."

Thank you, Maureen Farrell Garcia, for writing on this subject, thank you to all the researchers like Anna Salter, and thank you to Christianity Today / CT Pastors for taking on this topic.