Predators and How To Spot Them

I'm still wondering how this guy Joseph James DeAngelo got away with his rapes and murders over 40 years... 

And what was life like at home for his wife and three daughters?  Was he abusive or able to hide/control his rage and violence?

The article "Groomed for Abuse" by Maureen Farrell Garcia has given me a little insight.  It was published online at CT Pastors in January 2015.

Farrell Garcia says that sexual abuse is "always primarily about power and control."  She knows because she was an abused teen at age 14; she later married a man who sexually abused a female relative between the ages of 9-12.  In her anguish at learning the truth, she read and studied the subject.

It begins with grooming people to accept sexual abuse, and the basis of that grooming is to get people--often children--to accept engaging in secret behaviors. Small behaviors such as showing a photo or talking about body parts desensitizes the victim--gets her or him used to sexually explicit topics and to secrecy.

They either make the behaviors appear to be normal or they keep them well hidden.  She quotes Dr. Anna Salter in her book Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists, and Other Sex Offenders--Who They Are, How They Operate and How We can Protect Ourselves and Our Children:

"The most chilling aspect of this behavior is its invisibility."

I agree with that point--the big problem is not knowing it is happening.  Or thinking that what is happening is normal.  Being duped.

The second problem: "Abusers are frequently likable, charming, and highly skilled at manipulation."

Farrell Garcia then outlines the methods used by abusers:

1) "They establish and enforce control through defining reality."  

2) "Sex offenders victim-stance"--that is, they take the stance of a victim. They "attempt to manipulate our empathy."  Once we feel sorry for them, "they can manipulate our trust and gain our support."

3) "They coerce secrecy and isolation."  They often bind their victims to themselves with shame and secrecy: "This is our secret" and "Don't tell your parents--they'll be angry."

4) "They deal in entitlement...  They are entitled to feel what they feel, say what they say, and act how they act no matter what."   They demand loyalty and forgiveness.  "...they will justify their abuse no matter what agreement or promise they have made... they feel entitled to sympathy instead of to accountability."

Thank you, Maureen Farrell Garcia, for writing on this subject, thank you to all the researchers like Anna Salter, and thank you to Christianity Today / CT Pastors for taking on this topic. 

The creepy dude next door...

Serial murderer's profile in today's LA Times

The photo of Joseph James DeAngelo pollutes the cover of the LA Times today.  Pollutes my kitchen table.

http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-golden-state-killer-profile-20180427-story.html

Creepy old dude with teeny eyes, bald, fat, white t-shirt, thin mouth turned down at each corner.  Kind of saying "duh."  His booking mug.

Yesterday the only thing I read on the front page was "Decades-Old Hunt Leads to Ex-Cop: Task force arrests 72-year-old linked to series of 1970s and 80s rapes, killings."

Today his mug leers at me from the front page, and I read all of two stories: the profile of him and how they finally found him.  He served in the Navy, including 22 months off the coast of North Vietnam.  (Is that what poisoned his brain? But nobody else on his ship turned into a serial killer.  Maybe it was events in his childhood...)

The worst part of the report (other than the bare facts) was finding out that:

• his sister sobbed when contacted by a reporter.  
• he had a wife, an attorney, from whom he was separated.  Married in 1973. 
• three daughters, one an ER doctor, another a grad student at UC Davis.  
• 6 weeks after he killed a couple in Dana Point, "his first daughter, Misha Louise, was born."

He masqueraded as normal, while killing 12 people and raping 46 or more women from Orange County to Santa Barbara to the East Bay of SF to Sacramento.

I lived in Orange County, the East Bay, LA County.  I was married in 1972.  I have three daughters, a sister, brother who was in the Navy.  DeAngelo is my age plus two years.

Clearly there are creeps all around us.  Perhaps we interact with a murderer or rapist every day.

Perhaps one of them is my father, brother, uncle.  I know my brothers and husband are decent people, but as the circle of male relations widens, who knows?  

What do we really know about anyone?

That's what makes this news story so creepy.  

"I'm pretty much in shock," [his sister] said. "I'm in disbelief. It's difficult to think about." Thompson said she hopes that police are wrong about her brother, whom she regarded as "the kindest, gentlest man with his children."

That's what makes this news story so creepy.  Sadism and sexual violence are all around us, even in our own homes.

What happened in that household of two parents and three daughters?  

How do you carry on after learning that your father is a monster?

Thank you to Sarah Parvini, Joe Mozingo, Richard Winton, and Joseph Serna for their reporting on this killer who managed to live as the guy next door for fifty years.